Man Of The House – A Guide For Husbands Looking For Trouble

Man Of The House – A Guide For Husbands Looking For Trouble

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

“You Can Be THE Man of Your House.”

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,

“From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.  

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

 

The wife replied, “The ‘ f#@!%*g’  funeral director would be my first guess.”

Man Of The House - A Guide For Husbands Looking For Trouble

Picture Source: http://www.clipartof.com/portfolio/djart/illustration/male-funeral-director-standing-beside-a-casket-4741.html

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Safest girl in the world

Safest girl in the world

No one would be game to upset her!
Pit bull myths
It’s the owner not the breed
The outdated debate, “It’s the owner, not the breed,” has caused the pit bull problem to grow into a 30-year old problem.1 Designed to protect pit bull breeders and owners, the slogan ignores the genetic history of the breed and blames these horrific maulings — inflicted by the pit bulls genetic “hold and shake” bite style — on environmental factors. While environment plays a role in a pit bull’s behaviour, it is genetics that leaves pit bull victims with permanent and disfiguring injuries.

The pit bulls genetic traits are not in dispute. Many appellate courts agree that pit bulls pose a significant danger to society and can be regulated accordingly. Some of the genetic traits courts have identified include: unpredictability of aggression, tenacity (“gameness” the refusal to give up a fight), high pain tolerance and the pit bulls “hold and shake” bite style.  According to forensic medical studies, similar injuries have only been found elsewhere on victims of shark attacks. Read more:   http://www.dogsbite.org/dangerous-dogs-pit-bull-myths.php

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One for the ladies and some of the men

One for the ladies and some of the men

One for the ladies and some of the men

Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them.

Personally I think if you can hear them whining you’re not pressing

hard enough on the pillow!

Picture Source:  http://nonsensicalbabble.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/98-year-old-woman.jpg

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Red or White

Red or White

Red or White

 

Thank you Sue. Someone has to make the tough decisions.

**********

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d want to have dinner with.

**********

The policeman signals to an car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically. He says to the driver, “You appear to have been drinking!”

The driver answers, “No sir, I am just tired.”

The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest! He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, “What is, or should I say was in this bottle?

The driver answers, “Water!”

The policeman says, “It is not, it’s wine!”

The driver looks up to the heavens and says, “Oh Lord, you have done it again!”

**********

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pino More.

**********

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

Her husband asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?”

She replies, “It’s me………talking to the wine.”

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The Muppets – Devil Went Down to Jamaica

The Muppets – Devil Went Down to Jamaica.

This fan created video is comprised of audio from the parody song The Devil Went Down To Jamaica by Travis Meyer synced to video of the Muppets performing The Devil Went Down to Georgia from episode 420 of The Muppet Show.

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Animal From The Muppets On Drums

Animal From The Muppets On Drums

Animal From The Muppets On Drums

Animal is the primitive man and crazed drummer of Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem, the fictional band from The Muppet Show. He is one of the Muppets originally created by Michael K. Frith.

Cute and quirky with songs to match, Jim Henson’s Muppets have been responsible for over three decades of children’s entertainment that isn’t just for kids. Alongside Sesame Street, which was aimed at younger children and also created many iconic kids’ TV characters, the Muppets who appeared on The Muppet Show and in the Muppets’ films had a more sophisticated, wittier look and sense of humor. Artist/puppeteer Henson created a rough version of the most famous Muppet, Kermit the Frog, in 1955 for Sam and Friends, a Washington, D.C.-area children’s show for which he was a puppet designer; by the time The Muppet Show began in 1976, the Muppets were a full cast of characters — including Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, Rowlf the Dog, and the Muppet band, Dr. Teeth & the Electric Mayhem — and their mix of sophisticated puppetry and music was already in place. Along with Henson, the Muppets’ main original puppeteers and voices included Frank Oz, Richard Hunt, and Dave Goelz.

Read More:   http://music.yahoo.com/muppets/biography/

Picture Source: http://www.thelocalq.com/blogs/searchlights/2011/12/odonnell-a-reunion-of-friends

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Muppet Show – Mahna Mahna

Muppet Show – Mahna Mahna

Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna

Mahna Mahna,” originally titled “Mah-Na Mah-Na,” was written by composer Piero Umiliani for an Italian documentary about life in Sweden, titled Svezia, Inferno e Paradiso (Sweden, Heaven and Hell). It is a nonsense song that achieved widespread fame as a classic Muppet sketch.

Although it was first performed in a Henson production onSesame Street by Bip Bippadotta and two Anything Muppet girls, the most well-known Muppet rendition of the song debuted on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1969, where it was performed by Mahna Mahna and his back-up singers, the Snowths. This version of the skit was restaged many times on a number of variety shows before being featured as the opening number in the premiere episode of The Muppet Show.

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The jungle book – I Wanna Be Like You

The jungle book – I Wanna Be Like You

The jungle book -  I Wanna Be Like You

I Wanna Be Like You, also known as The Monkey Song, is King Louie‘s (Louie Prima, featuring BalooPhil Harris) song which he dreams to become human in order to protect himself from Shere Khan. The song was written by The Sherman Brothers who wrote most songs for The Jungle Book. The song was covered by the group Smash Mouth for The Jungle Book 2. In 2007, The Jonas Brothers covered the song.

 

 

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